REPRESS PLEASE!!!!!

ALERT ALERT!!!!!!!

Hey frustrated DJ….

Do you often find yourself in the discogs comment section for a recent release that came out only a few months ago saying things like “REPRESS PLEASE!!!!”, begging these ungrateful labels to just press a few more copies so you can get your greasy hands on one and be the envy of your social clique? If so, I am here to help you with a easy to follow plan.

Step 1: have style

Step 2: have taste

Step 3: stay aware of new records in the genres and subgenres that fit your taste and style

Step 4: purchase said records that apply to step 3 as soon as they come out, paying no more than standard retail price

Step 5: play DJ sets that make other people sweat YOUR selections because you are on top of things and have good taste and a cool style

Sure, this seems easy enough, but there are some pitfalls to watch out for as well!

DO NOT sit around scouring the internet looking for mixes by and playlists of your favorite DJs’ sets. This is especially annoying when in the comments section you are demanding TACK ID PLEASE so someone else can do the work for you to rip off your favorite DJ. If your style is “whatever I already heard Hyped DJ XXX play on Boiler Room/RBMA/Rinse FM/Red Light Radio”…. YOU HAVE NO STYLE. And also, you’re mad late.

DO NOT fall for the discogs price traps created by everybody else sweating the same damn records you all heard from listening to these online sets. You’re a sucker if you’re paying $50 for a record that just came out simply because it has been co-signed by whatever “cool” DJ you are trying to emulate. If somehow you discover a record that you missed despite following my simple plan, and it has already suffered from discogs inflation, you have two choices. Pony up for the inflated second hand price (if the track means that much to you, what is spending a little bit of money on it?) and get the record you so desperately need, or STFU. Easy peasy.

Lastly, if all of this sounds too complicated, there is an even easier solution. Quit pretending to be a DJ by biting other peoples’ style and go do something else with your time. Knock yourselves out.

This has been a public service announcement from infinitestatemachine. You may now resume whatever the fuck it is you were doing before. Peace.